IF WE ARE GOING TO HEAL, LET IT BE GLORIOUS
It’s been a minute since my last post, so what better topic to touch upon than one we are all familiar with; good ole fashion heartbreak. Honestly, I would rather do almost anything than suffer from this or have anyone I know suffer from this, but it is an inevitable part of life. So here is my take on the situation.
Our issue is, especially if we consider ourselves to be emotionally intellectual or evolved, this is the only place that the mind has a REALLY hard time catching up with the heart. So super boo to that! I wish there was a pill or a recipe or something that I could pass along to aid people in this process, but I do not. I have a couple reflections on past scenarios and the current recipe I am using this time around.
Everyone remembers their first love and inevitably, you remember your first loss. In my first heart break, I chose distraction: Parties, posting vindictive posts, blocking phone numbers, emails, dating their best friend, you know. All real mature moves. This all made everything worse. I think the “healing” (which I actually think never occurred and ended up causing me issues in the next relationship) lasted about 6 months. This was a half a year of unnecessary torture just because I was afraid to face the pain head on.
So with my learning curve being as amazing as it is, in my second heart-in-a-blender situation, I threw myself into the drama. Complete opposite of the last one. ALL THE FEELS doesn’t even come close to what I let myself fall into. We are talking minimal eating, not moving from my bed, looking at old pictures- real torturous shit. Victimization to the MAX. This pity party also was one of the lesser suggested approaches as drama is like quicksand. Stay there too long and it pulls you in deeper. This was an absolute NO solution. It took me a prescription of Xanax and 4 months too get out of this funk with no real healing ever happening.
This last one has been interesting. Besides being the most mature love I’ve had, it was also the greatest love, I believe. Our lives were also very intertwined so loss wasn’t only emotional it was physical, professional, and residential. Huge shifts, huge feels. The beauty of this relationship allowed me to arrive at its departure with maturity. I let meditation guide me for peace, integration assist me with facing reality and some other things I will list below to keep the anxiety at bay.
Although it’s been about a month and I seem to be in the same place as the day it happened, I am very present and aware of what is going on. There are moments where I feel way too much and there are patches of peace. I am accepting myself in these both states is what I think is different.
I think my years of learning and intelligence help a little with gaining perspective of the situation and accepting where i am, but loss is loss so the heart takes time to catch up with the mind. Right now, I know that my heart and mind aren’t coinciding, but soon they will and it will be glorious
The bottom line is, I don’t have a solution, but the silver lining is whatever your truth is and whatever your process is, it’s valid and ok and it’s ok to be not ok. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a dumb person. Everything happens for a reason. It leads us to greater. Great loss comes with great reward and great learning. Knowing that, is ok by me and accepting that its ok to not be ok.
Some things that have assisted me in this process are:
MOON JUICE mushroom potions
ROSEBUD cod oil
GOOP night time chews